My name is Chastity and I'm a recovering alcoholic. My sobriety date is 02-21-2017.
My first real experience with alcohol was at the age of 12. I got "buzzed" with my cousin and her friend at a concert. As a teenager, anytime I drank, it was game on! I didn't want to stop and wouldn't stop at just a couple drinks. Nothing good came of it. I wrecked a random guy's car, I passed out and missed curfew, put myself in dangerous situations and faced harmful consequences.
Fast forward to becoming a mother of four. My 2nd husband was an alcoholic also. He was very abusive (mentally, physically and emotionally). I rarely drank around him because I had to be on guard to protect my children and myself. On the outside we appeared to be the All-American family, but behind closed doors it was a whole different story.
At some point, I finally had enough. I took the kids and started over. I met my current husband who is the complete opposite of the marriage I left. He rarely drinks, doesn't do drugs, isn't overbearing and works 40+ hrs each week, and guess what?? I wasn't happy! I didn't feel loved. I felt neglected. I started to drink. Then drink heavier and earlier, and then even earlier and more often.
I lived like this for six or more years and it's a miracle my husband didn't take our son and leave.I became the abuser and I was such an ungrateful, unhappy, selfish person.The drinking became an every day event. Binge drinking. Blackouts. Why does my shoulder hurt? Oh right, I fell out of the shower.
My spouse dreaded coming home in the evenings because he didn't know what "shit show" would be awaiting him when he walked in. During my last drunk I blacked out in the afternoon and the last thing I remember was attempting to help my youngest with his homework and looking for a lighter to start the grill for dinner. Then nothing, I completely blacked out.
I came to the ER with a doctor sewing my wrists. Apparently I had cut both just shy of the tendons in an attempted suicide. I don't remember. Apparently I punched my neighbor in the face as she helped paramedics transport me to the ambulance. I don't remember. My husband and our 10 year old son had found me lying unconscious in the backyard.
I spent a short amount of time in a detox/trauma center. The day after my release, I literally ran directly into the open arms of a twelve step program. I had finally found people who were like me. They loved me and taught me how to love myself. I am not alone!
Today my marriage is stronger than ever. I'm a loving mother, a responsible daughter and a sister. My personal relationship with God is so important in my life.
I have (will hopefully still have after the pandemic) a full time job. I also started and currently host The Retired Blackout Artists podcast. I've gone back to school and have become a certified personal trainer (lost 50 lbs this past year) and hope to start virtual training very soon as The Atomic Bombs Fitness.
Being sober, I've learned to love myself. I can not put those expectations on others. I've learned to be of service to others and get out of my own head.
With God all things ARE possible.
The pictures above are proof in the pudding!